That State Called Unknowing

by Matt Tullos

The state that we’ve entered is called Unknowing. It’s was incorporated about 6000 years ago just east of Eden’s spendor. But it’s always been there. I’ve often stood at the border, one foot in Unknowing and the other in Faith. I’m amazed how connected these two provinces are. Faith is a state we aspire to enter with grace and certainty. Unknown is a windbeaten dustbowl. The badlands of spirituality that is often ignored but where many saints have spent days, even years.

What does Unknowing look like for my family?

We don’t know where it’s all going.

We don’t know if medications will help.

We don’t know if Dad really knows us for the children we are.

We don’t know financially how all this will go down.

We don’t know if he’ll return to Mom.

We don’t know what started it.

We don’t know how it will end.

We don’t know how to respond to questions we don’t understand.

We don’t know what to tell Mom.

We don’t know how long is too long to stay.

We don’t know how much is too much to do.

We don’t know if we are doing all this right.

We don’t know how the brain works.

We don’t know how the meds work.

We don’t know what to pray.

And we don’t know how prayer works.

We don’t know what decade Dad will be in today.

We don’t know how to respond when people ask how he’s doing.

We don’t know if this is how we’ll be at the end of our lives.

And we don’t know what Christmas will be like.

In other words, the only thing we know for sure is He is enough even in the barren badlands of Unknowing.

12 thoughts on “That State Called Unknowing”

  1. I know you are doing all a son can do
    I know God’s will be done

    I know your family has many friends to pray and support you in this exhausting time

    I know your faith will substain you
    Glenn

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  2. I’m asking for God to pour out many blessings on you and your family today. Really with all you are going through, there are many positives, but they are hard to see. You have had a Dad all these years; some never knee their dad or their dad is over seas and may never come home. Many have stood where you are standing not knowing what to do or not to do. Money??? Always a problem. Do we continue to do everything for Dad? Mom will need money for assisting living/nursing home, Will we as a family be able to carry the load? But we want the best for Dad. We want to have some left for Mom. How much longer can we continue to see Dad every day and wonder if he will know us? Will we be able to walk away? or stay and try to talk to him? It’s a mighty rough spot to be in. I did not have to go through any of this with my parents. Maybe God thought I could not handle it even though I have been through it with friends, So I’m praying for peace and directions for you. Blessings abundantly,

    In Him,
    Lynda Jones

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  3. My heart goes out to you and your family on this hard road. Walking this journey with my own dad opened my heart to the complexity and heartbreak. In the middle of all the difficulty and uncertainty, God was God AND He was MORE than enough … and my dad is free at last. May God give you and yours, and especially your mom, strength and grace for the journey.

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  4. I wept as I read Matt. Praying for you because we love you so much and all the family too. I am facing these same things too with Jack and me. All I have strength to do these days is “know whom I have believed” and cling to His promises. He is faithful and all our times (happy and sad) are in His hands.

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  6. I am sad, but I know that you know that God is there every step of the way. I’ve always admired so much the path that Aunt Francis and Uncle Roland’s family took. God be with you all.

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